been reading through entries on my old website periodically (trying to get from start to finish).. i went through a couple weeks of posts the other night… it made me miss doing more regular updates. but at the same time, daily was just a bad idea for me — too much ‘heat of the moment’ venting. i like to think i’ve become less moody and more stable in general over the years. i don’t think i had emotional issues, but i was a teenager and clearly exuded that fact in the “things are amazing/things are awful” swinging nature of my daily updates.

anyway, here’s a little blast from the past… don’t know why but this post from 5/12/2003 stuck out at me:

While I may say “man, I’m so glad to graduate,” I really am afraid to leave. I’m afraid of the future, I’m afraid of getting old and forgetting the amazingly brilliant moments of my life that have occurred periodically throughout the past four years. I have been in a great deal of social groups at school, and I feel like I have made connections with so many people, some only for a day or two talking online.

I am looking back at all those times where I faced diverging roads, where I clearly took certain paths, where I crossed points of no return. I have so many memories of experiences in my past that are swamped with “could have beens” and “what ifs”. I could have chosen a different path, I could have gone down a different road… I feel bad about certain things I’ve done, and I think things could have turned out for the better if I hadn’t made certain decisions. However, I accept that the past is behind me, and I respect the past and don’t think about changing it, really.  For if not for all the experiences I’ve had, I would not be who I am now.

Since eighth grade, I have been growing to know who I am more and more by making decisions and facing moral quandaries that define my character. I am understanding my values and my limits, my personality… and slowly but surely I am learning to be more patient with and accepting of people who don’t necessarily think like I do but think in a manner that works for them. ‘At’s all for now.

‘at’s all for now.

current mood: motivated

current music: the swell season – high horses